I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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