my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
