we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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