dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
