he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
