i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
