I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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