i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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