I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
