I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
