Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
