remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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