i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
