the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
