If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
