well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
