We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize