One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
