i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
