And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
