I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
