Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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