Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
