So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
