Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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