soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
