I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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