My room smells like vodka and shame
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
