I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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