Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
