letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
