I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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