Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
