The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
