he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
