What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
