my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
