ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
