What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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