I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
