forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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