Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
