I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
