Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
