sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
