xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
