I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
