So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
