ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
