Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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