Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
