if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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