He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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