There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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