Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
