My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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