what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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