ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
