so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sex in a hospital.. check
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
