good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
