i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
