This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
