I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
