I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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