I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
