The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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