If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
