I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
