Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
