I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
no, he came in my armpit
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
