Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
