Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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