Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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